i really do miss christmas. i think the first time i was fully introduced to it, i felt a little overwhelmed. it's hard for those who have celebrated the holiday all their lives to understand where i'm coming from, as someone who never celebrated it before, in any capacity.
when i was little, christmas meant the most boring day of the year. it meant none of my friends were around, and i couldn't even phone them to see what presents they got.
i remember once adi hung a "stocking" (really, one of her socks) on the fireplace, believing any legitimate santa clause wouldn't skip her over. the sock was limp and empty on christmas morning, and although we both understood why, it was hard for two little girls.
the first christmas i had with josh in toronto was really overwhelming. i remember arguing about it with him after. it wasn't that i didn't enjoy myself; it was just a lot to take in when i'd never so much as been invited to a friend's house for christmas. i had to go lie down in his room at one point, and i remember being woken up a couple hours later by josh, who was stripped down to his undies, holding a beer in either hand, his mouth working like it does when he's been drinking. it was too adorable - but i was scared i'd have to go downstairs and remove all my clothes, too!
i do miss christmas. i guess for me it's more the feeling of belonging, or being a part of something. also, i know it has a lot to do with family and togetherness and love, and i did enjoy that aspect of it a lot.
i also loved picking out josh's gifts; i do miss that. i still always see things i know he'd love, but... anyway, i hope everyone who's celebrating has a happy holiday, especially in terms of remembering the most important things about this time of the year: being with the people you love, being home.
maybe next year i'll be in a position to celebrate again. i hope so.
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