it's funny that way

how could you still love someone who's done you so wrong so deeply. how can you still love them as much as you ever did when they're already with someone else. how can your heart ache for someone who used you and strung you along for two years. how can you still hope that person still loves you, too, when they're falling in love with another girl.

last night i had the worst dream. it matched reality. josh was with his new girlfriend, i was alone. i saw them and we said hi. she let us talk for a moment. i told him i still loved him, that i hurt for him, that i still knew he was the one. he just looked into my eyes and all he said was, "noa, i love you, too." but i knew it was love in the way you remember having been in love with someone and caring for that person a long time ago.

it still hurts. so much. i miss my best friend. i still wish i could talk to him every day. see him at home each night. lie in bed with him every time i went to sleep.

five, six years is a long time. i feel like the biggest part of my life is gone. i feel like someone else has replaced me. i feel like it should still be me.