i am so ready to meet my soul mate, i'm so ready to fall in love again, i don't need this to make me complete, but it sure would be nice.
i like to think i'm attractive and intelligent and kind and giving and fun - i have so much going for me and so much to give. i'm not sure why it's taking this long, but i am absolutely ready NOW.
so if anyone is out there listening (or reading blogs online), i'm just making it known. josh is the past, and i don't have feelings for him anymore. i am looking forward to meeting someone new, someone genuine, someone sincere, someone i feel that chemistry with, and having a relationship again.
i'm not sure why so many guys i meet are so scared of having anything to do with any sort of commitment. seems to me it's a good thing - a great thing - to have someone on your side, always. i'd love to have that kind of support and security in my present life.
so yeah, i'm waiting, as patiently as possible, which isn't easy. but i know it's just around the corner for me. i've gone through my pain and heartbreak and have dealt with it - i never, ever plan to turn back and return to that person who let me down so profoundly. and although it's mean of me, i don't wish him anything, good or bad. i'm sick of including him in my thoughts, in my writing. he takes up too much space and he's definitely not worth it.
often i feel that josh knew all along i was too good for him, way out of his league. i know that is the truth, and it's not vanity. it just is what it is. we could never have been happy forever, and i have made a promise to myself that he will never see me or speak to me again - he simply doesn't deserve it and he's out of my life forever.
which clears up this big space in my heart and my soul for someone else, someone new and better for me. again, i have so much to give right now, i wish i could share it with someone. i'd love to just have someone come over and make dinner and watch tv and fall asleep in bed with me. i'd love to have someone say they care about me. guys looking at me do me no good; i'm waiting for someone to look deeper inside, cause i know i deserve the most amazing, lasting, powerful, mind-blowing, ridiculous, heart-pounding love in the world. that's exactly what i have to offer.
ps. i don't give a FUCK who reads this and who knows about it. i don't care if anyone laughs at me. i don't care if this kind of thinking scares men away. those guys, the one that play games, the ones that deny themselves the best feeling in the world, are totally boring in my mind. what good is meeting someone you feel that chemistry with just to fuck them and be done with them? those guys don't realize or value what's important, and they're a total waste of my time. so yeah, read this and laugh and decide i'm crazy. i know what EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US is looking for, and i'm no different except for the fact i'm ok with putting it out there in public.
i'm tired of idiots. i want someone real.
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2 comments:
i'm so ready to meet someone. i finally moved out of my parents house and into my own place. i forget whether we spoke about this or not, but it's right by kits beach - i think you know where that is, right? such a nice neighbourhood, and so close to the sand and the ocean. it'll be nice for the summer.
i just want someone to share all these good things i now have with me (including the new queen-size bed my parents got me for my bday). i keep telling myself, reassuring myself, it's right around the corner... but i feel increasingly impatient. i want to meet someone who "gets" me, which i know isn't the easiest thing in the world to require of someone, but at least someone who accepts me, who likes to do shit, who isn't lazy or boring, who doesn't care how many times he calls me or i call him, who's gone through similar heartbreak to mine and is equally ready for something real...
i feel like i can't wait. i want the most amazing spectacular ridiculous heart-pounding butterfly-producing chemistry-filled love ever, one that will last a lifetime. i'm not kidding, and i don't think these standards are too high. i want to meet my soul mate and i want to meet my best friend in the world. i want to share everything i have with someone, and have crazy adventures (and fantabulous sex) with him. i know this person is out there waiting for me, too, i just wish we could meet each other already and stop wasting so much time!!! i'm in the prime of my life, i know what i DON'T want and what's most important to me, and i want it to happen already... i feel so ready... i feel like it should happen any minute now...
noanoa,
six years is a LONG time to spend with someone, and getting over them doesn't happen quickly. you and josh have different mechanisms for coping. as a man, josh's instinct is to fill the void... they aren't good at dealing with "emotions" regardless of how sweet and sensitive he may come off. it may seem as though he's dealt with it, but as sure as the hair on my head, i'm telling you he hasn't.
he will do the same thing to this new girl, suck her in, bleed her dry, and spit her out, and move on. men are creatures of habit. one day, when you've stopped hurting and you've moved on, you will realize that while he's still doing the same ol' same ol' josh "thang", you've evolved and grown, and the same person you were when you were with him no longer exists. the person that he beat down and destroyed is gone, and in her place, a new, shiny, strong noa will stand.
and that will be your triumph. he will still be stuck at 24 and you will have matured into an amazing, wonderful, vibrant person ready to love again.
it doesn't happen overnight, nor does it come easily, but i guarantee you noanoa, this DOES end. it hurts like hell, it makes you doubt your ability to cope, live, love, laugh... just BE, but you do get through it.
i PROMISE you.
i know it sounds funny coming from me, since we share a lot of the same hurts, but the one thing that i have realized in all this falling in love business is that when you think there's no possible way you could ever love anyone that much again, one day, some day, you realize that you were so wrong.
and that day is such an amazing one.
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