tonight i feel like writing writing writing but i have my trainer tomorrow morning... EARLY tomorrow morning, and i have to go to bed soon-ish... i just have so many thoughts swirling around in my mind lately, and so many emotions... i miss my baby like crazy, but i know having no contact for a while will be good. for the best. i changed my flight today, so i could be in TO for the big party, but i'm not sure yet whether it's a good idea or not. i honestly think it could go either way. well, i'll take this month to think about it. i can always cancel the ticket last minute and use the credit to go to nyc in 08.
and about the depression... i definitely want to write it all down. the panic attacks, the meds, the suicide attempts, the anorexia, the anger, the violence... i want to write it down because it is still in the somewhat not-so-distant past, where i can still remember the gnawing, aching feeling of it. and i know i never want to go back. of course i have bad days, more than most, and everyone who knows me knows i am more pessimistic than optimistic, more negative than positive, more melancholy than happy, but trust me, something has changed inside. again, for the better.
tonight, like i do every night: goodnight my love, wherever you are... i love you with all my heart and soul. no words can describe.
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