all over you all over me

i wish i was stronger than you. it's not fair that you hold all the power, and i hold none. even if we couldn't be equal as partners, why can't we be equals now? why do you get to decide when we do and don't talk? why do you get to decide when it's ok and not ok to hang up? why did you block me before i could block you. why do i always have to be the one to apologize, when you've hurt me more than you know. why do i have to be the one to sit here, in so much pain, while you get to party and travel and fuck around with porn stars? why do i have to be depressed and you get to be happy? why are so many good things happening to you, and so many bad things happening to me? why do you get to decide to cut me off before i could cut you off? why do you think it's all my fault, when you were the one who strung me along? why do i have to see the reality of the situation, and you get to ignore it completely? why do i have to tell you the truth and you get to lie to me? why do i have to care about you while you tell other girls how great they are? why can't someone just walk into my life and replace you, while you flirt to your heart's content with many people? why do i feel like i have to be loyal and you get to do whatever you want? why do i have to love you still, when you're the one that left me, you're the one who deserted me, you're the one who abandoned me, you're the one who broke your promise to me at the end? why do i have forgive you and you get to carry your grudge against me? why do i look like the crazy, desperate, obsessive one, and you get to walk away looking like the good guy? why is everything i say and do wrong, and why do you get to be the judge of me? why does my opinion not count for anything, while you get to call me out every time i do something wrong? how come you can be a slut and i can't? how come it's ok for you to give out your phone number when if i did that you'd call me a whore? why do i have to find a "nice guy," while you get to play with a bunch of idiotic women? why do you get to feel big while i get to feel small? how come i have to think about you 24/7, without relief, when you get to forget about me so easily? how come, as a guy, 30 is young for you, bachelorhood is what you're supposed to be doing now, when, as a girl 29 is old for me, i should be married right now or at least getting there with someone? how come you get to be on track at my expense, and i've completely lost my way because of you? why are you moving ahead, when i feel like i've fallen behind? how come you got to waste so many years of my life, why did i let you take everything i had away from me?

i wish i'd walked away first. i wish i had the balls to call you out on every wrong you've committed against me as a human being who has feelings. i wish you'd listen and apologize to me for all the pain you've caused. i wish you could see how, every time i tried to put an end to things, you'd always reel me back in with some line or another. and i'd always believe you, sinply because i loved you. i wish i'd been stronger than you. i wish i could be stronger than you.

i wish i could be stronger than me.